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The Husbands and Wives Club: A Year in the Life of a Couples Therapy Group, by Laurie Abraham
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A PAGE-TURNING GLIMPSE INTO FIVE MARRIAGES AND THE FIGHT TO SAVE THEM
For more than a year, journalist Laurie Abraham sat in with five troubled couples as they underwent the searing process of group marriage therapy. Published as "The New York Times Magazine"'s cover story "Can This Marriage Be Saved?" the resulting article generated intense reader response and received the Award for Excellence in Journalism from the American Psychoanalytic Association. Though the article allowed Abraham to focus on only one couple, this book, which grew out of it and the reaction it inspired, tells the moving, fascinating story of all five.
The couples: Can Leigh and Aaron find the intimacy their marriage lacks; will Bella and Joe resolve the imbalance of power that threatens to topple their marriage; are Sue Ellen and Mark as ideal as they seem; what happened to Rachael that Michael cannot acknowledge; and do Marie and Clem, with the help of therapist Judith Coche, come back from the brink of divorce?
With the dexterity of a novelist, Abraham recounts the travails, triumphs, and reversals that beset the five couples. They work with their therapist--and each other--to find out whether they can rediscover the satisfaction in marriage that they once had. At times wrenching, at times inspiring, the sessions bring out the long-hidden resentments, misunderstandings, unmet desires, and unspoken needs that bedevil any imperiled couple. At the same time, these encounters provide road maps to reconciliation and revival that can be used by anyone in a relationship. Along the way, the author draws on her explorations of literature and Freudian theory, modern science, and today's cutting-edge research to decode the patterns and habits that suggest whether a troubled marriage will survive or die. Both an important look at the state of marital dysfunction and a reaffirmation of the enduring bonds of love, "The Husbands and Wives Club "is an extraordinary year in the life of the American marriage.
- Sales Rank: #2627605 in Books
- Published on: 2013-05-04
- Released on: 2013-05-04
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.00" h x .80" w x 6.00" l, .0 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 304 pages
Review
“Abraham skillfully weaves increasingly fascinating sessions of a couples therapy group with meticulous research about love, marriage, therapy, and humanity. The result—part science, part psychology, part riveting drama—left me moved, cheering, and, frankly, floored by how far these couples could come.” —Cathi Hanauer, author of "Sweet Ruin" and editor of "The Bitch in the House"
“"The Husbands and Wives Club" is that rare work of nonfiction that reads like a really good novel—it’s rich in character, drama, and emotional suspense. Laurie Abraham is a remarkably astute observer of the therapeutic process and of the five troubled marriages that lie at the heart of this absorbing and incisive book.”—Tom Perrotta, author of "Little Children"
“Abraham’s premise seems simple: follow a group of couples through a year of marital therapy and see what happens. But the result—narratively, intellectually, spiritually—is a profound, inspiring reflection on one’s own relationship in ways that have the potential to strengthen and even transform it.”—Peggy Orenstein, author of "Waiting for Daisy" and "Schoolgirls"
“What is more interesting to read about than other people’s marriages? This is one of the smartest and most candid books on marriage I know.”—Phyllis Rose, author of "Parallel Lives: Five Victorian Marriages"
""The Husbands and Wives Club" is that rare work of nonfiction that reads like a really good novel--it's rich in character, drama, and emotional suspense. Laurie Abraham is a remarkably astute observer of the therapeutic process and of the five troubled marriages that lie at the heart of this absorbing and incisive book."--Tom Perrotta, author of "Little Children"
"Abraham's premise seems simple: follow a group of couples through a year of marital therapy and see what happens. But the result--narratively, intellectually, spiritually--is a profound, inspiring reflection on one's own relationship in ways that have the potential to strengthen and even transform it."--Peggy Orenstein, author of "Waiting for Daisy" and "Schoolgirls"
"What is more interesting to read about than other people's marriages? This is one of the smartest and most candid books on marriage I know."--Phyllis Rose, author of "Parallel Lives: Five Victorian Marriages"
"Abraham skillfully weaves increasingly fascinating sessions of a couples therapy group with meticulous research about love, marriage, therapy, and humanity. The result--part science, part psychology, part riveting drama--left me moved, cheering, and, frankly, floored by how far these couples could come." --Cathi Hanauer, author of "Sweet Ruin" and editor of "The Bitch in the House"
About the Author
Laurie Abraham is a freelance writer and senior editor of Elle magazine and the author of Mama Might Be Better Off Dead: The Failure of Health Care in Urban America (University of Chicago Press). Formerly the executive editor of Elle, she’s written for New York Magazine, The New York Times Magazine, Mother Jones, and many other publications. Her work is also included in Best American Essays 2006, as well as the original collections The Bitch in the House (2001), Maybe Baby (2006), and The Secret Currency of Love (2008). Laurie�has bachelor’s and master’s degrees in journalism from Northwestern University and a master’s in law from Yale University.
From AudioFile
No can ever know the inside of a marriage except the couple involved--until Laural Merlington dramatized this book. Journalist Laurie Abraham became the proverbial fly-on-the-wall as she observed five couples struggling to improve their relationships over a year of group therapy with therapist Judith Coch. Merlington projects authority as she recounts research, theories, and statistics; distinguishes all 11 characters; and delivers the connective narrative with an energetic flow. But it's the raw vulnerability of the couples' in-session vignettes that is most poignant. Merlington portrays scenes of long-hidden childhood hurts and marital resentments, awkward attempts to right power struggles, and angry needs for intimacy. Intense and brutally honest revelations about sex, love, and money are sometimes uncomfortable and upsetting, sometimes inspiring and uplifting, always illuminating. S.W. � AudioFile 2010, Portland, Maine
Most helpful customer reviews
27 of 28 people found the following review helpful.
Six couples, a year in therapy, and a whole lotta theory
By Pasiphae
I thought this might be a juicy book about the hidden parts of marriages that are usually guarded closely by a couple until they decide to divorce. Then and only then do we find out the truth; the affairs, the incompatibilities, the deep resentments that chip away at a marriage are finally brought out in the open. But this book really isn't like that at all. It's a careful study of a group of couples with somewhat everyday troubles, and a detailed record of what it felt like to be in the room while they worked on those troubles. Between these chapters are long, informative chapters about therapeutic approaches, theories, practitioners, studies. I have a hunch that other readers might skim these parts, but I found the theory chapters much more interesting than the couples chapters. The author is passionately interested in this subject and brings a vast amount of knowledge and research to bear on her group.
The trouble for me is that the people being considered this minutely don't hold my attention. It goes like this: What the therapist said. What the husband said. What the therapist said. What the wife said. What someone else in the group said. Occasionally, the woman writing the book inserts what she thought or felt or said. The couples parts of the book are simply the back and forth of therapy. It is something like the first season of "In Treatment," without the masterfully crafted dialog. I thought the conflict between a determined career woman and her angry, less successful husband was sad, but a little easy to predict. The conflict between an emotionally manipulative woman who resented her husband to the point of seething, and her hapless husband who hid a huge void of sexual longing under a mountain of passive aggression, well, this couple got old really, really fast. In truth, the only couple in the book that interested me deeply had a happy marriage. I found their personal histories, what brought them in, and how they interacted to be profoundly interesting.
I guess the book, like the group, is a mixed thing. If you are in the process of sorting through your own marital situation or healing from a divorce, I have a feeling this book would speak to you more than it spoke to me, so please keep that in mind when considering my reaction.
9 of 9 people found the following review helpful.
Real Love
By R. Combe
Laurie Abraham's book actually makes you THINK about your marriage and what it means to be close to someone, to love them, and to be their partner for a lifetime. So many other books about marriage give you prescriptions or list "10 Easy Tricks"--Abraham's book does not offer easy fixes, but that's what makes it so much more valuable. She follows five couples struggling with the normal things all married couples do--money, sex, power--and shows the bravery that goes into actually making your marriage work rather than escaping through divorce, cheating, or just being zoned out to life. I found the middle-aged couple who went from sexless and bitter to a new level of passion they'd never had before the most inspiring. It shows you that love, passion, and meaningful relationships are not just limited to young people in the first flush of a crush. I disagree with the reviews that say it had too much psychological theory. I enjoyed that part. The coupling of the theory with what was happening in the therapy group made me understand more clearly--and think more deeply about--what was going on. I thought Abraham did a good job of boiling down the messages of some of the the "big thinkers" on marriage--and also taking apart the quick-fix messages of some of the best-selling self help books. Her unmasking of John Gottman was particularly compelling. Generally, a very thoughtful look at marriage, love, life--and why it all matters!
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Curious, Intelligent, and Humane
By M. Pellie
I loved this book. Abraham enters into the topic with curiosity and respect, and all of the participants are revealed in their complex vulnerabilities. The book is a fast, fascinating read, with lots of information about how couple's therapy can work (and work differently for different people). I was also extremely impressed by her thorough examination of the research -- particularly of John Gottman's work. I'd read so many positive things about it, but when Abraham looks closely at his methods, she reveals major flaws. That was a thrilling discovery. Thank you, Laurie Abraham, for your deep and engaging treatment of this topic.
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